Back?

I apologize for the long and unannounced absence.

The last quarter of last year has not been so good to me, well mostly due to the lovelife.

I was so into nursing my bruised heart I lost whatever it is I lost. All I know is that hard as I may have tried, I couldn't get myself to write. I wanted to share lots, I just couldn't.

There was this production/play I joined (and which kept me busy for a while) for the office christmas party. I could've shared how hard it was to memorize all the steps, how tiring the practices were, how fun it was to make the props, how exciting it was to perform on stage in front of thousands. I could've posted a video showing our presentation or showed how colorful our costumes were or how proud I was when we won second place.

I could've shared how sad I was on my birthday. How I cried because of exhaustion (from the practice), because someone forgot to greet me, because I got my neon green unitard (for crying out loud, please, how will I able to fit in. And junujun, oh junjun, how will i hide thee?) costume, because I felt I had no time for myself not even to make myself some fruit salad.

I could've shared the pounds I lost and the few inches I shaved off my waist (that I think I am gaining back again).

I could've shared how I felt when I learned there was someone new in his life. When he bothered me on Christmas day. When he called on New Year's eve.

I could've shared how slighty triumphant (and maybe silly) I felt when he told me of his new boyfriend's small, ehem, tool problem.

I could've shared the recipes of the food we prepared for our yearly barkada party, posted the preparations we made, the gifts I got.

I could've shared how bored was I when I stayed in the boondocks for the holidays. How drunk I got the night of the New Year. But I didn't, I couldn't.

I was too tired and too miserable to even try and bother.

And then a recent trip got me a chance to do a little introspection.

I realized that I have been missing a lot by wallowing in grief. That there is more to life than be bitter. And that it is always better to choose to be better. That I don't need all that much drama in my life. That my happiness is my own will.

I realized that I should be moving on and start moving forward, no matter how hard it may seem.

I realized that I should open my heart to someone who would love me and accept me for who I am.

I realized that it was a good idea after all that I didn't change my person just to conform with someone else's desire (and new preference).

I realized how I missed travelling and that it's probably best to start planning trips again (no matter how short or near they are). And that it's refreshing to meet and converse with other people. And knowing their culture, the way they think, their way of life. Sharing their other travel experiences.

I realized how fun it was to do new things. New is good.

A short weekend getaway was all I needed to jumpstart my life again.

So yeah, PrincheCHA Fiona is back.