10/27

I woke up this morning and I remembered the date. I felt sadness creep inside me. It came without warning. I should have expected it.

Today should have been our fifth year together. But today we are not.



Oh well, sabi nga nila...

pasintabi sa mga kumakain

SHIT HAPPENS. But we must move on and continue on with our lives.



Pwede namang maghugas pagkatapos. O magpunas ng tissue.





(Haaaay, nangangamoy pa din. Di ata ako nakapaghugas pa ng maayos.)

Clueless

We are oblivious to the events that would transpire tomorrow. We often have dreams and visions, but these could all just pop and vanish in thin air much like bubbles. We oftentimes make wishes but then again, when they do come true we suddenly have a change of heart and we feel the emptiness all over again.

Sometimes, we are afraid to leave, afraid of taking one more step. More often than not, it is because we are afraid of the uncertainty that lies ahead. We wouldn't want to abandon our comfortable abode to move towards unfamiliar turfs. We hate the feeling of departing and the feeling of leaving someone behind. The only thing that we could hold on to is the fact that we would have someone to come home to. That there is someone waiting for us to return. And that we have gathered enough memories that would last us through...

...until we're home again. Certain.

I am so clueless as to why am I writing this.



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PTP: Are you sometimes clueless too?

Differential Calculus

(Note: This post has NOTHING to do with mathematics. So people suffering from innumeracy, you have nothing to worry about. It's just a silly title that's all.)

When I was a kid, I didn't really think I was gay. Maybe I was gay, but I did not think I was. Heck- back then I did not even know what gay was. But one thing is for sure, I certainly knew I was different.

Unlike my boy playmates, I was never keen with "manly" games such as diablo, sumpit-sumpitan, basketball, etc. And unlike my girl playmates, I did not enjoy playing house (I'd rather play school so I could be teacher) nor rag dolls. But I enjoyed very much the usual games kids my age played during those times: patintero, tumbang preso, moro-moro, saker, taguan, teks to name a few. I was also quite good with piko and jackstone. And of course, I shared their love of watching Bioman, Shaider, Maskman and all.

Unlike most of my cousins, I loved going to school. I asked a lot. I read a lot. I was very curious and I loved learning new things. Making homeworks and projects did not bother me. I was even looking forward to doing them, in fact. I was such a nerd, gee.

Unlike my brothers (we are four in the family, all boys I have three), I never bothered with things called crushes and girl(?)friends. To be honest I never have had a crush since later in highschool. I was busy doing things, busy with school, busy with other "important" stuff. I was busy trying to live up to being the achiever(?) that I was perceived to be.

Unlike most teener boys, I adored watching my mom putting make up, I'd go to their room with a book on the pretense that I was studying, but all I really was studying is her every stroke applying eyeshadow or lipstick. haha. But like teener boys, I too have had shares of daily, you know, raging hormone episodes. Hey, I wasn't that alien!

Unlike most of the youngsters in the clan (typical province, relatives living within an arm's length from each other), I knew most of the family's secrets. I was my mom's confidante. (maybe that's why I grew up being nosy and loving chismis. haha.) Yes, I knew who was the ampon, knew why our kid neighbor looks very much like an uncle, basically knew too much for my age. Maybe my mom probably thought I was wise beyond my years, or that I did not care, would not remember anyway. But look ma, I remembered and I do not care if I was not ready for such revelations- afterall, it's always great knowing something not everyone knew! :)

Looking back, ok, fine, I probably was gay already (would a straight kiddo actually watch his mom put on some rouge in her pucker, probably not!)! So what's my point in this post? I was different (and felt different) because I was me - not because I was gay. And yes, I enjoyed my childhood even if I felt different.



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PTP (Points to Ponder): Did you ever feel you were different too? Did you have a memorable and enjoyable childhood?